No time

Midterms. I would like time to finish my academic work. I would like time to do things outside of academic work. I would like take care of the health and development of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I would like to do this blog.

I hope that that is soon, because a portrait of me in the last two weeks is not a pretty picture. I crave balance.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Economic Reasoning.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda...

I should have done this so that I could be that.
I could have been this and then I would that.
If I would have done this for them, then I would be better that with the other thing.

I think like this all the time, and I realize that, though it's not regret, it is sometimes disappointment with myself. I want to have made all of the choices.

Enter economic reasoning. You must make choices. Each choice comes at the cost of other opportunities. So what. The cost is sunk. It shouldn't affect your future choices, because you can't do anything about it.

I need to stop worrying so much about the past. I need to stop worrying so much about the future. What can I do right now, today? That's what matters.

Matthew 6:34

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Why I Love Jesus, and Pray For Redemption of the Church Body (Jesus Journal)

The following video, Why I Hate Religion, and Love Jesus, has become enormously popular (over 19 million views) on the internet. I have heard it brought up a lot, but I hadn't seen it, so I thought I would watch it today to see what I think. Before I watched it, I was thinking that the message might be a little frustrating to me, but also that he may have some good thoughts, as I've seen some of his videos before.




My presumptions turned out to be correct.

The views presented in this video are very timely to the new culture of my generation. We are become decreasingly aligned with religion while, as a whole, we are becoming more spiritual. There is a lot of validity in that movement, in some ways. Religion has failed at integrity over time, as sins have lead to many failures and tragedies, both on a major historical sense, and in an everyday sense in our overal interactions with culture at large. My generation values holisticness and integrity more than ever before, and this means that they just aren't happy with a church that doesn't practice what it preaches.

The problem, of course, it that it does, and this video doesn't acknowledge it. Sure, the millions of people in the church across the world haven't always been perfect individually or corporately, but we aren't God; we are human. The thing is, even in the video, he says he loves the church, the Bible, and Jesus, and doesn't fully separate religion and Jesus. Critics of the video found the same thing, and some were angered by the fact.

A prominent Atheist made an angry response, rightfully pointing out how the two weren't really separated. He quoted a lot of scripture which pointed out how Jesus in fact set the church up to be his hand in the world, spreading the Good News until He comes back. How true that is!

A LACI speaker last night brought up the same thought, in the light of cultural redemption. He argued that God created man to live in culture. We fell, and that culture became imperfect, but Jesus came back to redeem us. This redemption is for all, and so, though accepted individual, the redeemed are here to transform our culture through the Good News and with God's love. Eventually, it will be consummated by the last coming and the new Kingdom on earth. Therefore, all our religion is is a group of people living out what Jesus wanted, and then identified as a group. Sure, our generation could reject the formal church, but they will find living for Jesus too difficult, if not impossible, on their own, and will turn to social groupings instead. What do they have? A church, or a formal religion. I see this as more of a variation on the sectarianism we already have. Some people decide that they are frustrated with the supposed sins or faults of an established church, and go off the bring their own.

I believe that instead, we should be fulfilling Christ's mission by redeeming culture, including the culture of our own churches. We don't need more splits; the church is diluted enough as it is. What we need is to call on peace and wisdom from God, so that we can reconcile our differences and attempt to stand as a united, rather than broken, universal church. As many such efforts are being made today, we continue  to fracture while cultures around the world learn to work together. My opinion is this: our mission today (and throughout history since Jesus) should be redemption within the church, and the redemption of the greater culture we live in.

Many videos, articles, and comments have been made in response to the original video, often by personable and trendy persons from my generation. Here is one that resonates with me, even though it is from the Catholic church. As a Baptist, and a Christion seeking a less broken church, this fresh face from a Catholic is refreshing, and his defense of the church seems spot on and necessary to me.

Jesus Journal: Guilt

Guilt

Describe a time when you feel that you disappointed God with sin. What led you to that state? How did it make you feel? What punishment do you think it warranted? Did you ask for forgiveness? Were you forgiven?

There are many things in my daily life that I feel are disappointments. Just one example is all of those little moments of selfishness that come out in quick decisions throughout the day. I should have let this person go before me. I should have done this favor for him. I should have held the door open for her. I should have taken the time to see how he was doing. I shouldn't have avoided her. That kind of thing.

Realizing moments where I choose selfishness over loving and serving someone makes me feel guilty because I feel like I am not using my gifts from God for his glory, but for my comfort. Thankfully, I am covered by grace, and I don't need to hang on to this guilt, but I try and repent, and make an effort to improve myself for Him, so that next time, I can show someone love and be a light rather that being selfish.

One more thing: If you had a group of friends to be in a posse, who would they be and why?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, ummmmmmmmm. People who inspire me, so probably a group of some random people at Fox and from home, that are in a similar place in life to me, and demonstrate characteristics of living that life that I want to emulate.

Ask

The biggest thing that I forget to do to find peace is to ask.

There is one greater who gives to those who ask.

Job 22:21
“Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you."


Psalm 85:8
I will listen to what God the LORD says; he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants— but let them not turn to folly.

Luke 2:14
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Romans 5:1
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Angry

One of the biggest barriers to peace is anger, because you aren't even thinking about peace. You are blind.

Today has been full of frustrations, both my own fault, and by others. Frustration means not being able to see the good, so my day has been increasingly full of negativity. At several times that has just turned into blind anger.

Now I wouldn't be able to write this, mind you, if I was really that angry at the time, but its been so constant, it's like I am a boiling water balloon. Little pressure and I will explode, and hurt everything in my path. It's taken all I have not to explode on people for tiny things. The negative body effects are all there: the adrenaline and cortisol, the churning stomach acid, the high blood pressure and all the rest of the nasty things that happen to your body when you are angry.

These days happen, thankfully rarely. Time to pray and ask for peace before I spread the bad instead of the good.

Peace come soon so that I don't hurt someone or myself.

Jesus Journal: Ruminations on John Amstutz' Sermon on Going!

Hey coach?

Yeah?

Hey how come I'm on the bench? I want to be out on the court.

You tell me! I want you out there on the floor.

Well then why am I not out there? Why aren't you using me?

Again, you tell me! I told you to go, but you just stood there.

Well, yeah... but I feel like you've been ignoring me.

Really? Because I'm constantly keeping my eye on the whole team. I really want us all to play.

Ok.

So why don't you go in?

Well, I... I don't think I'm ready yet.

Sure you are.

But what if I fail? What if I don't make the shot?

It will be okay. I got you. We trained for this, and I'll help you along the way.

But failure is real, and I don't want to.

Last time I played, I only made 11 out 12 baskets. And come on, I'm your coach. If you don't make it, its not always your fault. And we'll get through it.

But...

Son, all authority in the school and on this court has been given to me. Therefore, go out there and make some shots for me, using everything I have taught you. Surely I am always here on the sideline, till the end of the game. Get out there. I have faith in you.

But....


---

Our faith in ourselves can be so tiny. I would fear playing, even with the confidence of a coach. I fear the Great Commission, even with the strength and faith of One much greater than I.

I want to be better.

Beauty and Fascination: My Love Song to Music.

So many ideas to write about, too little time. Trying to be more dedicated to transitioning the ideas to the page is one of my priorities. For today, I will just do a simple one :)

I just want to spill a little about my passion for music, from a perspective maybe you haven't thought about before.

To me, music is an aural tribute to the majesty and possibility that comes from activities that occupy the whole realm of learning and thinking. Frankly, good music is not possible without understanding equally how to be creative and innovative, and understanding the mechanics behind it. To put it in outdated terms, it uses the "right brain" and "left brain".

You can not separate music from math and science.

The math of music is one of the most beautiful creations, and is probably my favorite thing that God made. Music works in waves, and those waves exist with curves and altitudes and frequencies that work together visually and mathematically in astounding ways. (Of course this translates to aurally as well!) The relationship betweens notes and their frequencies is an work of beauty.

Of course, we don't like to just listen to single notes. We like them to form melodies. We like those melodies to be accompanied by harmonies in different keys, with different chords that work in fabulous patterns. We want complex rhythms that make the sounds and emotions turn into songs or dances. The number of patterns and intricacies take years to learn, but as you learn them, so many wonderful understandings of music's complex beauties take shape, and more connections are made every day. These patterns are heard and understood through social and cultural contexts, and end up having the raw power of dramatically altering your mood or state of mind, just by translating complex math into complex science. Wow.

Music is math. Music is science. It is a code of the universe, built without flaws or human error. Engineers? Coders? Theoretical mathematicians? Can you say that about any system you've developed? God is great.

But that is only half of the story...

You can not separate music from the arts.

This may seem more obvious to many, as music is often described as an art, despite its scientific and mathematical complexity and beauty. (Though really, every art has its organization, and can include some math and science in its structure.)

All of the math and science needs to be put to work, and it takes true creativity and innovation to take it all and make it beautiful. Really, the inner workings are just tools, and without directing it toward beauty, all the powerful math and science ends up becoming a mess. Painting has complex systems and structures, but random splatters are not pretty (except to some). Architecture has complex systems and structures, but you can make ugly, worthless things by just putting building parts together that "fit". Language has complex systems and structures, but if you've been on the internet for a while, you can see that it can be used in some ugly ways, and just tossing words around can get confusing. This is why the systems and structure needs the human factor to creative beauty and worth to people.

Speaking of language.... Music IS a language. Unlike constructed human languages, it is a universal language, use cross-culturally everywhere. Even codified by humans on paper, and broken into its own alphabet, dictionary, and grammar, it can be picked up by anyone, as music is a language native to all. This language is use to express stories and emotions, to bring people together, to express complexities of things like celebration or mourning, to entertain, and in all of these areas, it does it better than most other media.

Music is art. Music is language. It's the spoken word and crafted media of the universe, allowing us to add bis of our broken experience to express ourselves in ways beyond us, in a way native to all of humanity. It is a perfect medium. Writers? Artists? Do your media allow you the same freedoms?

Music encompasses all

As a teacher, I am student of all knowledge and learning. I have yet to find another media that so encapsulates the entire human experience.

All forms of learning are present in music.

Modes of learning are represented. It helps the introvert with their self exploration. It provides a mode of communication, expression, and celebration for the extrovert. It breaths life and beauty into the work and understandings of the logical/mathematical, the spatial, the lingual, and the motor. It is the heart of the musical. It gives song to the natural, and itself is a form of natural beauty. It continues to astonish the existential, who desire to see how all the pieces work together to make one big whole.

Music brings dance to the body. It stimulates the mind. It broadens and deepens the heart. It uplifts and encourages the soul.

Music is full of knowledge that leads to deeper comprehension allowing for greater analyses, syntheses, and evaluations. Thus, music teaches all who study and participate to smarter, wiser, and more competent at learning about, understanding, and interacting with the world.

Music touches everyone's lives, but in different ways, giving us meeting ground to speak in peace about our similarities and differences, helping the world to live in more peaceful and understanding community.

Music is something we learn from birth, as we sing our desires and stress of being brought into the world through painful sobs, only to be soothed by the rise and fall of our mother's melodic verses of comfort. We carry it through life as one of our most valuable tools, and when we depart, all those who care for use will use it as a tool to celebrate our lives, and mourn our parting.

Music is one of God's greatest gifts to the world, from the beginning of time, until the end.

Music, this is my love song to you.

Winter Snapshot: Family

Not a lot to say about this one. I just really enjoyed my family over the break. Some breaks are stressful will family fighting whether close or extended. Never a lot, but people aren't as nice as normal when there is a lot of stress. There is a lot of peace in a family that is doing well, and everyone seemed to just be very content. :)

A few quick notes

First of all, thank you to any and all the responded to or learned about SOPA/PIPA/ACTA concerns. This has become a cause near and dear to me, which must mean something important, because I hate getting involved in politics. If you still want to know more, just hit me up on Facebook.

Second, I have a lot of things I want to write, and I am really going to be making more of an effort to write regularly, but some days, I have hardly any time to breath, eat, and sleep, so pardon if my daily blog isn't quite daily.

Third, my full Jesus Journal can be found right here but many of them will be found both here and there. Anything I think might make for an interesting portrait I will put here.

Blessings, my tiny readership. Don't forget to leave comments! I'd love to hear from you!

Jesus Journal: Skubala

In Life of Christ, we often get asked a general question, and then a question about the nature of Jesus based off of a Biblical passage. This is what I wrote on tonight:

Prompts: How do you feel about the "garbage" that has come your way so far in life? Which happens more often- the garbage influences your view of God, or your view of God influences your view of the "garbage?"

There has been a lot of garbage. Lots and lots of garbage. From having to deal with early deaths and close betrayals, many have told me that I've already had to deal with too much. But I am a firm believer that God would not let us be tortured with more than we could handle. I am often encouraged by the faith that Job shows when God allows Satan to utterly destroy everything He holds dear on the earth, from the trivial to the most dear. Still He hung on to God, because what else is there. I feel the same way. Rarely do struggles make me want to reject God, though it does happen, and I certainly question Him, but I hold onto Him and trust. Each difficult experience has been manageable because I know that something good will always come from it, and this has been shown to be true every time, even if it takes a long time to see how. God works in amazing ways, and when it comes down to him, my trust of him allows me to see each bit of garbage as a blessing in disguise... eventually..... with a lot of difficult processing.... but hey, I'm not perfect at all.

Romans 12:9-16

How does this passage related to your responses to life's challenges?
What connections could you make between the life (and birth and death) of Jesus and this passage?

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

This is very difficult to do when things get difficult, but that is what I try to do. I think the most difficult part is the "loving your enemies" part. I can often trust God to get me through difficult things, but that does not mean that I do not harbor resentment, and have a difficult time with forgiveness. Jesus, on the other hand, with the insult of every sin against God (himself) ever, got the ultimate punishment for the ultimate forgiveness. Wow. He is the ultimate embodiment of this passage.

Jesus Journal: Musings on Lenses we see Jesus in

[Note: Just some thoughts I had after reading a chapter of a book that discussed the lenses that we see jesus through. One focus was the different cultural perspectives we have in the current day.]

I find the culture clash between "American" or "contemporary" or "secular" culture and "Christian" culture. This is the focus of my Liberal Arts and Christian issues class, and the difficulty of the topic is probably one of the main reasons that so many students and professors find it frustrating to different degrees.

This chapter started to touch on some of the ways that our secular culture has severely distorted our understanding of Jesus, and therefore how we should live as Christians. After reading this chapter, I have realized something a little disappointing about modern church as I have experienced. We often have sermons that just teach on solid points based off of a few verses, but rarely do we even discuss the context, meanings, or lenses in which the text can be or should be read. This is probably one of the reasons that I personally struggle so much with reading the Bible. I just don't always get the context. I don't always know what is to be taken literally, which is metaphorical, which is supposed to be applied to everyone, or which is only applicable at the time. It is all well and good to learn some of that in college courses, but what I would like to see is a little more academic approach given by the church, so that church members can be more knowledgeable.

Jesus Journal: Friend Spotlight #2

My last post on friendship and Jesus got me thinking a lot, and I would like to highlight another friendship that has meant a lot to me. This is my tribute to Danielle Buchanan.

Most of my friendships start with pleasant acquaintanceship. This one, however was somehow salvaged from silly drama and misunderstandings through a good portion of K12 education. (What was God thinking when He decided that puberty would be a stage of life?) I think it speaks to both of our characters that we moved beyond silly squabble and into a meaningful friendship.

Danielle is just one of those friends who doesn't know it, but is occasionally wise beyond her years. (I've had this said about me as well, and I often just refuse to believe it.) One of the things that I look for in a friend is the ability to listen and empathize, but Danielle does what the numerous self-involved won't. She asks. People who take the time to really ask the meaningful questions about your life are the ones who REALLY listen like it's important and take this to give wisdom in return.

Now let me bring this back to Jesus. I could give all the credit to ourselves for the quality of our conversations and the impact we have in each other's lives, but I really think the credit goes to Jesus. Our friendship is a reflection and action of Jesus' love, and I believe that a lot of the good that we do for each other comes from us listening to the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to work through us in each other's lives. Having such a meaningful relationship requires a lot of mutual trust, respect, compassion, and integrity. For these things, I would like to add Danielle to the list of people who fit the role of "Best Friend in Life" from the previous assignment.

Jesus Journal: Jesus the Friend

Hey readers! I love ideas, but I don't like all the darn hard work the carry them out, so I'm going to exercise my laziness a bit and combine my blog efforts. Now I can complete coursework and blogwork in one. (Don't worry it makes sense. My daily portraits are a reflection on my relationship with Jesus, and so is my assignment.)

Part 1: My best friend in life.

Nick Culbertson has been a best friend of mine through thick and thin for as long as I can remember. (Not really, but as long has been important, a.k.a middle school.) His friendship has meant more to me than most. Friends come and go, but Nick has been a constant in my life to some degree pretty much since I've met him, even though we've come from kind of different walks of life. Throughout our friendship, we have only grown more close, as we've come to change each other in small, but important ways and to absorb some of the better (and maybe worse) qualities from each other. Our friendship takes less effort than many others, because we generally get along. Of course, it wouldn't be a good friendship if we didn't challenge each other and take on each others' burdens, but we can do that with civility and grace. Nick has shown me a constancy and integrity that I find to be rare, and that is what I appreciate most.

Part 2: Philippians 2:5-13

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a human being,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

What does being like Jesus mean?

This passage brings up one of the most difficult to understand and emulate about Jesus. After stating His glory and power, it acknowledges how He refused to use it for His benefit but instead became a servant to others and to die for us. It's an astounding and impossible example.

What did Jesus do for you? How does that make you feel?

Jesus gave up much more than I have, and certainly more than I would be willing to give up as a selfish sinner. Although it makes me feel guilty, it also makes me feel loved.

Write about your current relationship with Jesus.

I am not perfect with relationships, and my relationship with the Savior can be strained just like any other. He's always there, but I'm sometimes vacant. Jesus was an outcast, and sometimes I treat him like that too, because I don't always want to talk to him either. Not always, but sometimes.

I also get busy. Ugh. I complain a lot about relationships in which one person does all the work. And yet, I'm ont he wrong side of that all the time with Jesus. He's always there, and always cares, but I let myself be too busy. Part of the reason I have this blog in the first place is to give myself some time with Jesus. Sure this blog is reflective, but it's also relational. (Speaking of relational, please discuss! Comment below or on Facebook).

I love Jesus, but no matter what, he will always love me better. I guess that's what happens when I'm human, and he is the embodiment of love.

Winter Snapshot: Sandbox

One of my hobbies I have consistently enjoyed has been video games. However, as I have aged, I got tired of the recycled story lines, linear play-styles, and... well... just shooting lots of people.

In recent years, I have discovered many more sandbox games. These games still are sometimes about destruction, but the best are about construction. These games are games like simulation games or tycoon games.

However, one game has really caught my attention, and not at all for any great graphics or gameplay mechanisms. For the last year and a half, I've been an avid Minecraft player.

Think games are dumb? What about games where you can get together with friends and make huge collaborative creative structures? I have a lot of fun with it. Here's something I helped make over break:



It's not even a really good shot, but it's a bit of the giant castle with all sort of underground rooms that some friends and I have been working on.

Dorky? Sure. Fun? You betcha. Mindmelting like other videogames? Not at all.

I'm going to try and use this game with students some day. Other teachers have done so successfully. Move over Oregon Trail game!

Writing in the New Year

Hey readers. It's been a while, as I've been on Christmas Break. During this time, I really didn't feel like I had anything to write, so I didn't. I kinda put my life on hold, like hitting pause for 3 weeks. It was very good, and very refreshing. Looking back, I actually did have some things to write about, and so I think I will write a few "snapshots" of break, and get back to writing. I've got ideas again, so here I go!