Impatient

The paces I put my mind through.

I have put my mind through the ringer. It's been bathed in adrenaline for months, as I've lived through waves of constant stress. The kind of constant stress from the real or unreal threat that your life may be over before it begins. The kind of constant stress from not knowing. Not knowing the future, the present, or even the past. Disequilibrium and drowning. The kind of stress that builds on itself as the façade of keeping things together falls apart as you run your life without buffer.

This stress is beginning to be relieved. I'm not out of the water yet, but I can see the twinkle of the sunlight as it dances across the surface.

Sometimes I swear my conscious and unconscious minds have never met. Consciously, I am still drowning, but my unconscious mind has found that glimmer of light (read: hope) and has run with it. All the creativity, expression, and introspection has begun flooding back.

Recently, I have suddenly found myself back at the piano, and the creativity is beginning to seem back out my fingers and back into my ears. My words have stopped irritating me as my eloquence of thought and voice has begun to return. My unconscious mind has already surfaced, and my decision yesterday burst open the floodgates.

I have a million and three ideas for these pages. No, make that a million and... no wait..... Ugh. I can't wait. I'll probably throw them all away for whatever I'm thinking about at the time, but its exciting, even to my stubborn, pessimistic, conscious self.

Welcome, self. Welcome to a new season of life. May it be full of God, blessings, healing, rebuilding, and progress. And most of all, some peace. 

I can't wait.